Sunday, July 16, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the cheating rat edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street -

Wait, there's a Phelan Junior? Say it ain't so. That's worse than a Rocky sequel.

Yes, it seems that the Phelonius Phelan may have a sprog. According to the Satanic Slaphead, Seb's caseworker (Nicola) is likely Pat's daughter. Nicola is not amused. Eileen is sympathetic. 

Robert's in a spot of bother as his shady past (aka Rich the drug dealer) returns to haunt him and wants the bistro to be a money-laundering joint. 

Elsewhere, Eva has discovered Aidan's affair with Maria but opts to make Aidan pay rather than confront him. The plan is off to a good start as she tells the two-timer that she's pregnant and wants a very expensive engagement ring.

Tim is getting tried of having Gina in the house and she seems to take liberties with bacon, his tablet and online shopping. Chesney sees a window of opportunity with Sinead (now that she's broken up with Daniel) and takes her to a foreign movie.

Brian and Cathy try to hide their blossoming romance but are found out by Roy. It seems that Mary's son is not coming back to the U.K. after all much to Mary's disappointment.

Now for a few lines from last week:

Craig declines Bethany's offer of sex:
"I'll do anything you want but I won't do that"
(Good ol' Craigey)

Roy to Brian:
"You're a totally self absorbed person"
(and that's his best quality) 

Dating coach Gemma motivates Chesney:
"My name's Chesney and I'm a tiger"
(well, you're half right)

Leanne to Eva re: Aidan:
"Can you imagine having a kid with that cheating rat?"
(are we talking about Steve or Aidan?)

Phelan to Nicola:
"I think you're my daughter"
(Ouch! Talk about a Darth Vader moment)

Rich to Robert re: his murky history of drugs:
"Does she know about your shady past?"
(only the Tracy marriage bit)

Aidan to Eva:
"I want you to have whatever you want"

Well, Corrie cohorts, that's it for the week. Next week promises more intriguing developments as Eva's revenge plan unfolds. Enjoy the week and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Feeders and Farmers edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street

Geez. You leave town for a few weeks and all hell breaks loose on Coronation Street.

Nick's up to his neck in quicksand. Aidan's up to his neck in two-timing. Dev wins a Feeders and Farmers golf tournament. Bethany escapes from Nathan. Daniel's a stair-pusher and a drug user. Roy's gone bat spotting. Norris is acting nice.

Whew! Well, I guess the good news is that Bethany made a last minute escape from Nathan. The bad news is that Sergeant Slimeball (Neil) is at the police station ready to intimidate Bethany into staying quiet.

Elsewhere Dev forgets Erica's birthday in favour of some hi-jinks on the links in Scotland. That leaves Kevin to keep her company and indulge in Dev's pricey vino. Kev is suffering from Anna's anger at the fact that Faye has been consorting with Phelan and the newly-released Seb. Tim goes after Seb when he learns that Faye and Seb have had it off.

Aidan is being harassed by someone who has photos of him and Maria snogging in the ginnel. Brian and Cathy continue to keep Roy in the dark about their burgeoning and nauseating romance. Zeedan is not amused.

Just as Billy and Todd are getting to know Summer, Grandma Cruella deville swoops in and takes her grandchild away. And, speaking of the gay community, it seems that Fiz's old friend (Kim) is not interested in Fiz.

A few lines from the week that was:

Faye to Seb before they do the deed:
"I don't want to get pregnant again"
(yeah, we've already seen that story line)

Kev to Erica re: Dev's expensive tastes:
"70 quid for a bottle of wine!"
(and it doesn't even come in a box)

Yasmeen to Zeedan who finds one of Brian's socks in the house
"Perhaps Cathy was giving him a foot massage"
(now there's an unpleasant image)

Slimeball Sergeant Neil to Bethany:
"You're in a police station and you're not even safe"
(sad but true)

Summer to Billy re:Todd:
"Is he always this annoying?"

Well faithful followers, it's good to be back. I spent a fair bit of time catching up on old episodes but I'm guessing that there's more action to come next week as events continue to unfold. Thanks for sticking around and thanks, as always, for stopping by and spending some time here at the Hip. Cheers!

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Number 1 Encore Post: Peter Barlow's seven sexy seduction lines

While I'm away, allow me to subject treat you to the most viewed post (by far) on Blanche's Polish Hip from March 2014, New posts will return later this week.

Let's get to it. Peter Barlow. Where does he get the time? Where does he get the energy? Where does he get the gall? And, most importantly, where on earth does he get those cheesy seduction lines? And, furthermore, why do they seem to work? In order to warn women everywhere (but mostly in Weatherfield), we present to you Peter Barlow's top seven seduction lines.

They are, of course, a closely guarded secret (like the recipe for Old Spice) but we spotted them interspersed among the various tattoos on the sub-mariner's, sub-par illustrated body. Beware and be warned:

1. "Here, let me get you out of those wet clothes"

2. "If I told Carla you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

3. "Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world! Still, they do look a bit wet so let me..."

4. "There's something wrong with my cellphone, baby: it doesn't have your number. Oh wait, here it is, right next to Carla's"

5. "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by the smoking shelter again (as long as Carla isn't there)?"

6. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this -- especially when Carla could arrive at any minute!"

7. "Your name must be Google because you're everything I've been searching for - but please delete your search history before Carla gets here."

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Number 2 Encore Post:Roy Cropper discusses hard rock bands of the 60s

While I'm away, allow me to subject treat you to the second most viewed post on Blanche's Polish Hip from November 2013.

I had no idea that Roy was such a fan of bands like Deep Purple! I wonder what he would think of other notable rock bands from the 60s? Hmm, I think it might go something like this..

"The Concerto for Group and Orchestra was a landmark musical event (although mother termed it ‘cacophonous gibberish for the slack-jawed set’) performed by Deep Purple and The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. I find the pleasing dissonance between the two opposing musical genres at once dramatic and complementary. (I highly recommend it to listeners of avant garde music or those trying to escape the dysfunctional domestic arguments of one’s parents).

By contrast, I could never quite embrace the blues-oriented musical heritage of Led Zeppelin, despite the obvious melodic appeal of ‘Stairway to Heaven’. Although I was attracted by the juxtaposition of a heavy metallic substance with teutonic hot air ballooning, the band’s name was more of a typographical anomaly than indicative of musical innovation!
Iron Butterfly? Hardly. Sadly, this American conglomeration never developed a substantive musical stature beyond ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida’, (which mother referred to as “It's Goddawful Indeeda’).

Cream, on the other hand, offered a unique musical canon including ‘I Feel Free’ (often referred to as ‘I Feel Sick’ by mother). I give unreserved kudos to Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker and Eric Clapton for forging a sound based on blues, rock and psychedelic sensibilities. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to prepare a vortex egg."

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Number 3 Encore Post: Abandon Ship

While I'm away, allow me to subject treat you to the third most viewed post on Blanche's Polish Hip from January 2010. New posts will return in July.

First, let me say that I like reading Dickens by the fire with a nice glass of Pinot Noir in the company of a comely amateur thespian (enough of that - ed) as much as the next person. Let me also say that I have always been fond of Ken despite his many flaws and foibles (I feel another novel coming on - ed). And yet, even I think he's going 'overboard' (good idea - ed) these days. More than that he's become an awful amphibian - behaving badly on land and sea.

On dry land, he's a non-entity: uninvolved, absent and completely divorced from the major problems of his son and grandson. Ken's far too busy on one of his 'Himalayan treks' or doing urgent 'library research' (the complete history of shagging? - ed). Just leave it to Deirdre and Blanche to do the heavy lifting and be there for life's little problems - like when Peter's flat is on fire.

On the high seas (high teas surely? - ed), he is no less disingenuous. He has consistently deceived Martha while switching his cellphone off and his libido on. Now that he's found his sea legs (and a sea legover -ed), he's quite content to maintain the duplicity. After all, he deserves a life, doesn't he?

But what about Peter and Simon and Deirdre? Don't they deserve lives too? Clearly it's time for Ken to stop his horizontal riverdance and get involved. Telling Peter to "go to hell" doesn't cut it. Ken's always had a problem when it comes to familial responsibility. He's much better at taking up causes, writing stirring columns for the Weatherfield Gazette and imploring people to do the right thing. At the hospital, Peter tells Ken, "thank God you were there." Too bad he wasn't.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the back rub from Beyonce edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street

"It was more than twenty years ago
Michael Baldwin taught the girls to sew
They've been going in and out of style
But the knickers seem to last a while"

Yes, the venerable Underworld knicker empire is celebrating 20 years of low-to-satisfactory quality in women's apparel. Management invites the workforce to celebrate and Aidan has a big announcement: "Eva, will you do me the great honour of joining me in... saying hello to a new client."

Yes it's more disappointment for Eva as Aidan continues not to pop the question. And why should he while he's playing away with Maria

Meanwhile things seem to going from bad to worse for Bethany. She escapes from Sarah's house, hides down by the canal and is discovered by Craig. But Nathan swoops in and takes her back to his apartment, setting up another sordid evening with his buddies. Worse still, one of his buddies, PC Slimeball Neil, is a police officer.

Ken's memory is slowly coming back and he realizes that it was Daniel - no wait, Adam - who pushed him down the stairs. Meanwhile Adam stuffs Daniel into the trunk of his car in an effort to force him to confess to the assault of his father (yeah, that's the way we get confessions in Canada).

Sally wrongly accuses Gina of trolling her when it was actually Leah. Steve reneges on his deal to sell the pub to Peter. Brian is reluctant to continue his relationship with Cathy for fear of being disloyal to Roy. Norris confesses his fondness for Mary after the duck attack.

And now for a few lines from the week gone by:

Sarah to Bethany re: Nathan:
"He seems a bit controlling"
(that's like saying a hurricane is a little breezy)

David tells Nick he can't always have what he wants:
"I want a back rub from Beyonce but I'm not going to get it"
(maybe Jay-Z could oblige?)

Ken to Adam:
"It was you, wasn't it?"
(I still think it was Eccles)

Norris to Mary:
"I might have exaggerated the effect of the duck attack"
(turns out there was no fowl play involved)

Well, Bistro Buddies, so ends another week with lots of tension on the Street. Let me conclude with a special message to faithful followers. I will be away for a few weeks with (unfortunately) no means of watching Corrie or posting until I return to the Blanche's Polish Hip secret headquarters on July 3. 

My apologies for going AWOL for such a protracted period.  If I can master the technology involved, I may post some "best of" posts during my absence. Till then thanks for dropping by and I hope you're treated to some excellent Coronation Street episodes over the next few weeks. Cheers!

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the naming ceremony edition

a weekly look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street.

What's in a naming ceremony?

That which we call a "cock-up", by any other name, would be as screwy. Looks like Nick's passive aggressive idea for an event to mark the proper noun assigned to Leanne's baby goes sideways when Nicko is a no-show, preferring to drown his sorrows in alcohol.

Ah Platts! Any other brilliant schemes? Well, yes, Gail decides to bribe Shona into leaving Weatherfield for the princely sum of 400 pounds. Are you kidding?  That's just about enough to get to the Red Rec. Gail figures that it's safer to have Shona out of the way lest Davey discover that Shona is Clayton's Mom. Doesn't work though. Shona is staying put.

Good news on the Barlow front, I guess. Tracy has the money to buy her flower shop (thanks to Ken) which means that Peter gets the money he needs to buy the pub. On top of that the Battersby Sister Act (Leanne & Toyah) takes on Chloe and they convince her to withdraw her assault charges against Peter. All's well that ends well except for the fact that Toyah didn't tell Peter that she went ahead with the IVF. Opps.

Rosie and Adam are trying to link Daniel to the Ken-staircase-pushing incident so far with no success.

Kate thinks that Johnny is having an affair because of his mysterious behaviour. Jenny keeps steaming ahead with wedding plans. Billy and Todd are having issues because Todd doesn't want to adopt Billy's godchild.

As a way to connect with Bethany, Sarah invites her daughter to a wedding fair. Bethany cancels and when Sarah goes to the tanning salon to find out why, she finds Bethany drunk and passed out.

And now for a few lines from the week that was;

Gail offers Shona 400 pounds to leave town:
"It'll buy you a ticket somewhere"
(Tile Street?)

Nick to David re: Steve
"He's clever, crafty"
(are we talking about the same Steve?")

Tracy to Peter re: Rob:
"I didn't come here to play who killed who"
(who killed whom, actually)

Leanne and Toyah won't leave Chloe's house:
"We're not going anywhere till we find out what's going on in that sick head of yours"
(that could take a while)

Mary is concerned by Tracy's yelp:
"Is it your Moroccan kidney?"
(No and it's not her British pancreas either)

Sarah is miffed because Bethany cancels their date due to a work emergency:
"What kind of emergency do you get at a tanning salon?"
(a power outage?)

Audrey compares the ministry to being a stylist:
"I suppose you're like God's hairdresser"
(a shave would require a heavenly lather)

Fiz explains goat cheese to Kirk:
"All mammals express milk"
(Sounds like Kirkie is lactose intolerant)

Well, faithful followers, so ends another week and the Barlow mystery remains unsolved, Rob's back behind bars and Nick oscillates between hating Steve and hating Peter. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!