Sunday, November 19, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the magic watch edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

It just gets worse and worse for Anna, doesn't it?

First she gets arrested for pushing Seb off his ladder (although she was framed by Phelan). She learns that Seb is HIV positive (although Faye is not). She has a fight with Kev. And now Seb is recuperating at Sally's.

Colin and Moira are flirting in the Kabin, interrupted only by Rosie's ill-fated attempt to distract Colin while Todd and Adam try to alter a purchase contract so that Rita can renege on her decision to sell her flat. Sadly they are caught in the act. On the plus side, Rita got the all clear after her cancer scare.

Joseph is back with Chesney and Sinead is doing her best to care for him, but he's not a happy camper.

Seems that Johnny has received a big fat cheque from the insurance company for the factory. The factory workers are thrilled but Johnny isn't planning to re-open the factory. He's decided to retire with Jenny in Spain. Funny, no-one told Aidan. Hasta la vista, baby.

Norris celebrates his last day at the Kabin before hanging up his sweater vest. Craig is doing okay with his new mentor but he has a fixation about time which is impeding him. Gary and Sarah have a falling out about kids. This follows Gary's confrontation with Nicola who is pregnant. Gary suggests a termination. Nicola tells him to get lost.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Colin explains why he refuses to change the flat purchase contract for Rita:
"I am a 21st century businessman"
(in a 20th century business)

Moira brags about her vocal talent to Colin:
"I moved my PE teacher to tears"
(and that was even before she started singing)

Johnny to Jenny:
"Spain here we come"
(Olé)

Oily Tinder punter to Gemma:
"My magic watch says you're not wearing any underwear"
(then it must be time for Peter to throw you out of the Rovers)  

Gary to Sarah on why he doesn't want kids:
"Things happen in life don't they?"
(legover things?)

Todd gets a call from a potential customer:
"You found a foreign body in your meat and potato pie?"
(was it meat and potato?)

Roy quoting Anthony Burgess about the Kabin:
"All human life is here"
(and even some non-human life)

***

Well, cobbleros, so ends another week. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the knocking shop edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Yes, I know, I missed last week.

I had booked a night in a B&B run by this guy named "Pat" and it turned out to be a grotty basement room with chains and, get this, no ensuite bathroom!

Not sure what happened to those two other guys staying there, but I'm only giving it one star in my review.

Yes, folks, the relentless story lines of death, gloom and doom continue unabated on Coronation Street. Whatever happened to all those lighthearted stories - like when Jack Duckworth was playing away using a fake name? Curly and Raquel's ill-fated romance?  Fred the butcher marrying anything that moved?

But I digress. Here's the gruesome body count: Vinny got shot by Andy who was shot by Phelan (still with me?). Seb fell off a ladder and is in serious condition at Weatherfield General and, oh yeah, he may be HIV positive.

Phelan is keeping busy, disposing of bodies and using the power of negative persuasion to convince Seb that Anna Windass is to blame for pushing Seb off the ladder. Nicola confronts Daddy Dismal and lets him know that she knows about his past rapes (her Mom and Anna). Then she takes off.

Faye thinks Anna called Social Services to come round to Seb's house which led to the twins being placed in care (hint: it was Sally).

Luke thinks Alya and Aidan are having it off (they're actually starting a new business). Craig has a new mentor. Sinead is getting anxious waiting for Chesney to return with his son, Joseph.

Sally's mayoral campaign continues, now with Gina as campaign manager. Speaking of Gina, seems she and Dev are having it off. Summer is back with Todd and Billy, but Billy turns himself in for assaulting Peter.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Phelan whispers sweet nothings into Seb's ear:
"Anna Windass wants you dead. she pushed you off that ladder"
(and, by the way, you're still fired)

Yasmeen to Buzzer the Bee:
"I could never never vote for some comedy costumed candidate"
(But costumed comedy candidates are doing so well these days)

Robert gets a jail visit from Michelle
"What am I missing?"
(Um, a bottle of Grecian Formula maybe?)

Dev comes downstairs with Gina and runs into Sally and supporters:
"I was undecided, now I'm rock solid"
(By which he means he ingested a citrate formulation to treat erectile dysfunction and engage in intercourse)

Annoyed Sally to Gina and Dev:
"This is my campaign HQ not a knocking shop"
(well, perhaps you should have been more specific about that)

Mary to Norris re: children:
"You're barren you wouldn't understand"
(he's annoying too, but don't let that deter you)

***
Well, patient punters, thanks for sticking with me during my absence (it was work related, or so I say). Happy to be back and glad to see you dropping by to read my feeble ramblings. Have a great week and all the best!

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the part of the male anatomy edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street... 

Guess what? Vinny is alive and well and chatting on Skype with his old ex-pal Pat Phelan.

As you recall, Vinny and Pat were partners in crime fleecing the punters with a scam involving fake flats. Vinny scarpered with the money leaving Pat to finagle his way of a jam.

Well, now it seems like payback time and Pat is awaiting the return of his partner (threatening to harm Vinny's poor old Mum as an incentive).

Maybe the two of them just want to reminisce about old times... or, maybe Pat wants Vinny to be chained up in the basement of his Airbnb dungeon. Either way, Andy is getting super excited at the idea of a replacement prisoner. Let the good times roll.

Nicola is pregnant and has decided to have the baby. The dad? Gary Windass (take that, Phelan).

On the Underworld front, the cops arrest Todd and Adam in connection with the theft of factory machines but let them both go. Meanwhile the ramifications of a post-Underworld economic climate continue (I blame Brexit).  Chesney returns to work but has another panic attack.

Rana is very conflicted about her feelings for Kate. Kate is confused by Rana's confusion. Where will it end? And what about Zeedan?

Colin is hanging around like a bad smell and keeps pushing to seal the deal for the Kabin and Rita's flat.

Cathy and Brian head off to a Boney M tribute band concert, Phoney M (I wouldn't be surprised if the opening act was Boney M). But their plans are thwarted by a prank on the part of Amy and Asha.

Summer is recruited into a junior band of troublemakers and is challenged to deface the car of a teacher. As Todd and Billy have a falling out, Summer becomes more upset and when Simon finds a joint and dares her to try it, she does and passes out.

Mary's son and daughter-in-law and grandchild arrive in Weatherfield but it's clear that Jude's wife is irritated by Mary.

And at the Rovers, a Newton and Ridley bigwig (at least that's what it says on his business card), is unhappy with the quality of the ale and Liz manages to turn this to her advantage, pledging to sweet talk the talented Mr. Ridley, in exchange for less toilet duty.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Nicola announces the name of the father of her child to Eileen and Pat:
"It's Gary Windass"
(great news, right Pat)

Colin reveals his nickname to Todd:
"Your nickname was Palm Pilot?"
(an obsolete compendium of useless data? Sounds about right)

Kate to Aidan on the sorry state of Underworld
"If you'd just learn to keep it in your pants, none of this would have happened"
(maybe he can take an evening course at the local college?)

An annoyed teacher recounts what was drawn on the side of her car by Summer:
"Let's just say it was part of the male anatomy"
(Adam's apple?)

Liz to Toyah re: Tom Ridley
"I can't count the number of times he's undressed me with his eyes"
(is that because it's zero?)

Liz to Toyah again:
"basically, you want to pimp me out"
(think of it as Tinder for seniors)

***
Have a great week and thanks for stopping by.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the fake humility edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street

Well, it looks like you can't fake humility after all.

Master manipulator Nathan gave an Oscar-winning performance in court but, alas, the jury didn't buy it and the verdict was "guilty".  So it looks like he and Neil and the rest of that slimy band will be sent down.

Meanwhile Shona's ex-husband is skulking around trying to squeeze cash out of Shona and threatening to tell David's kids that Shona is the mother of Clayton who killed Kylie.

Rev Billy suspects that Adam is behind the factory demise. His solution is to steal 1,000 pounds from Adam's office and distribute it to the unemployed factory workers. The only problem is that the money belongs to Shona. So Billy is like a bizarro Robin Hood robbing from the poor... to give to the poor.

In other news, Daniel is determined to impress his editor partly by sleeping with her and partly by sniffing out the Pat Phelan story (he' a chip off the old Barlow block). 

Pat's not happy about Daniel's snooping and threatens him, meanwhile Daniel finds Vinny's mother (Vinny was Pat's partner in crime who took off with the cash from the fake flats).

Pat is also thinking about Andy's lame-o replacement plan, i.e. finding a new basement hostage dweller to replace Andy. Who will it be?

Rita has her surgery and seems to be on the road to recovery but that sleazy Colin character seems intent on getting her to sign the deal for her flat. Beth has used Hope's story as a way to generate crowdfunding money and Ty and Fiz are not happy.

Sean is working at the medical centre. Ken is having a quiet birthday. Rana wants to have a baby. Imogen doesn't like travelling.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Nathan's lawyer doesn't think Nathan should take the stand because...
"One can't fake humility"
(unlike a tan at Nathan's sleaze salon)


Eileen to Todd re: Phelan
"This man is a saint, working night and day on my dream home"
(especially the basement) 


Daniel to Phelan:
"The truth has a nasty habit of coming out"
(about time)


Daniel's editor to Daniel:
"You're good at your job... and other things"
(like legovers?)


Phelan to Andy:
"People should really learn not to make Pat angry"
(why are you referring to yourself in the third person?)

***

Thanks for stopping by and sorry for the late post (I was skiving). Cheers!

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the dirty little secret edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Oh boy. Another week, another legover.

This time it's Gary, all freaked out from his time in the Ukraine.  He has a nice chat with Nicola, a drunken snog, a quick one upstairs and then inevitable morning regrets. But Nicola promises not to say anything. After all Gary just bought Sarah a fraternity ring (or was it an eternity ring? one or the other).

On the darker side, Bethany is taken in by Mel's hard luck story and tries to convince her to go to the police. But Mel is still under the spell of evil Nathan and is instructed by his Royal Slimeness to prevent Bethany from testifying in court.

Liz thinks she's got her job back at the Rovers but neither Toyah nor Peter can tell her the truth. Norris continues to make plans to sell the Kabin and Rita is planning a trip to the US with Gemma.

Anna tries to help out Seb at home, dealing with his addict Mom and the abysmal living conditions. Hapless Andy has come up with a plan for his release. I'd explain it but it's kinda boring and anyway Pat's not interested.

The factory girls have no job since the roofless factory is out of commission so they've come up with a crowdfunding idea to start a niche business. Daniel is looking for a good story and hears about Pat's fake flat scam. Hmm. Interesting.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Kirk quotes from his Twitter account:
"May the force bee with you"
(Buzzer's humour)

Liz to Toyah:
"I've debarred Steve"
(pity)

Sarah to Gary:
"Were you with someone else last night?"
(yes, but only for a legover)

Nicola to Gary:
"Our dirty little secret will stay just that"
(thanks, you're a pal)

Mel to Bethany:
"Nathan saved me and now I have to save him"
(not a good idea)

***
Well, Rovers' rovers, so ends another week on the Street with Nathan still working his evil control over Mel and Bethany in danger. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the cat fight in an ornamental fountain edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

How did the wedding go, you ask?

Pretty good. Oh, of course there were the usual little peccadilloes. Eva's fake Internet-based pregnancy was revealed (nice of Maria to leave a copy of the scan under every guest's seat - just like an Oprah show).

Maria was locked in a washroom. The canapes were cold (not sure about that one). And the bride had a cat fight and ended up in a fountain with Maria and Kirk (aka Buzzer the Bee).

Eva went out on the window ledge and YouTube videos were taken of her shedding her wedding dress so she could get back into the hotel window.

Bottom line: Eva and Aidan didn't get married, then made up when they realized how well matched they were in terms of duplicity. And then they broke up again when Aidan discovered that Eva had gutted the factory. End of.

On the plus side Johnny and Jenny did get married in Rita's hospital room where she has been diagnosed with a brain tumour.

Michelle now knows that Will is her stalker and develops a dumb plan with the help of Steve ('natch) and Leanne to gather evidence about him by breaking into his flash pad. Sadly it looks like they may be caught in the act.

The factory workers aren't happy when they see that their workplace has a large skylight where the roof was and they are out of a job.

Sarah is worried about Gary and it looks like Bethany will have to repeat her school year although Audrey offers her a chance to become part of her fashion empire.

Liz's email scammer (Stuart) turns out to be the husband of Moira. Sally has a mayoral campaign debate with Buzzer the Bee/Kirk. Seems like the Bee's populist policies are winning people over.

And now for some quotes from the week that was:

Will to Michelle:
"I like to think I have impeccable taste in all things"
(especially stalking)

Adam to Eva:
"You take my breath away"
(and he's taken the factory away)

Maria to Aidan as to the provenance of Eva's fake baby scan:
"Go to www.howsickcanyouget.com"
(... and follow the links)

Eva to Aidan:
"You lied to me every day for a year"
(think of it as a 12-month advent calendar of falsehoods)

Tyrone to wedding guests:
"Don't wear a wedding dress if you're going to have a cat fight in an ornamental fountain"
(or change the oil in a Ford)

Aidan to Eva:
"I fell in love with two women"
(besides Eva and Maria?)

Eva to Adam
"If I go down, I'm taking you with me"
(I think that's what Adam had in mind)

Beth to Buzzer the Bee:
"Let's go home and make honey"
(Yuk, I'm think I'm breaking out in hives) 

Leanne to Michelle:
"I'm fed up with men ruining our lives"
(it's a tough job but someone's got to do it) 

***

Well, cobble cohorts, so ends another week. We have witnessed the faux wedding of the century, the factory is in ruins and all looks bleak for Underworld. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the pinata filled with chocolate milk edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Fasten your seat belts as we prepare for the fake wedding of the century.

Eva's crazy revenge plan is coming to a climax and it's out of control. Adam is busy sabotaging Underworld. Maria knows that Eva is not pregnant. And Aidan is acting like a decent guy.

This follows Eva's Hen Party which was no doubt inspired by Stephen King's Carrie, since it ended with Maria whacking a pinata filled with chocolate milk and getting a Cadbury's shower. Leanne backs out of the wedding and Maria does too but then decides to stealthily check into the hotel where the marriage is to take place.

Johnny and Jenny may be cancelling out of the double wedding as Jenny has other things on her mind. She and Gemma are at the hospital watching over Rita and anxiously awaiting her test results as her memory problems get worse.

The final Mr. and Mrs. Weatherfield contestants are vying for the top prize with Mary being squired around by an unctuous contest official. Robert is in jail. Gina convinces Kirk to run for mayor using his nom de plume: Buzzer the Bee.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Peter is not impressed when Toyah reveasl the truth about Eva's sham wedding:
"I bought a new pair of shoes for this"
(maybe you can return them to Payless?)

Michelle sees Johnny, Kirk and Aidan dressed as women for their stag night:
"I didn't know they were doing a remake of Charlie's Angels"
(this one features more hair... all over)

Eva pretends to apologize for Maria's chocolate milk shower:
"I'm going to speak to the pinata company"
(ask for the person responsible for fillings)

Gemma to Rita:
"Smoothies keep you regular"
(especially if you add Metamucil)

Eva to Leanne and Toyah:
"I'm ready for Operation Revenge."
(so are we) 

Rosie to Sally:
"How do I look?" 

Sally to Rosie:
"Like a porn star"

***
Well, Cobble Colleagues, so ends another week. Don't miss Monday's double episode as it promises to be a barn burner and one of the fake weddings of the century. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.