How to Watch Bats
the second in an educational series from Blanche's Polish Hip
Hello and welcome to this very interesting educational series. Faithful readers (they've already left to watch paint dry - ed) will recall Rosie Webster's very informative guide to washing cars . Now readers can learn how to watch bats, which, I believe, is the second fastest growing spectator sport next to NASCAR.
But how can you participate in this exciting activity (a fast car and a beer sponsor? - ed). It's easy. Here's how to do it.
What to wear:
- an anorak (Roy buys them in bulk at Costco)
- sensible shoes
- green socks (also good for camping)
- a look of fear
Equipment you will need:
- a flashlight
- pepper spray (never mind why)
- a stool or folding chair
- a cellphone (to dial 999 - never mind why)
- a pen and notebook to record bat movements or write a desperate note to Hailey
- cheese & tomato sarnies (Tony's favourite next to Marmite & tuna)
- a thermos of tea (enough for two)
- a swimsuit
- swimming lessons
What to do:
- go down to the edge of the canal, close to a very dark bridge with no-one around
- make sure Tony Gordon knows where you are (you never know when he may want a wee word)
- observe bats
- hint: street lights, canal bridges and desolate lonely locations are perfect spots where you'll find usually these eerie creatures hunting for prey (wait, are you talking about urban bats or Tony Gordon? - ed)
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